Juvenile

Category: Writers Block

Post 1 by Paparazzi (The Biggest Fan of Your Life) on Monday, 28-Dec-2009 21:32:08

Always was a smart one, quick with his gun
Always in some troublope, nothing left, but run
Sirens ring in his head, give him nightmares
Even after his homie died, never once saw a tear
Cops couldn't stop him, he was invincible
Good girl found him and made him an angel
Year after year feeling bad bout what he'd done
His past caught up to him with the shot of a gun
Leaving a family, a life that was the dream
His juvenile son has witnessed the scene
His sone was going to jump in the cirle, and begin

Post 2 by dissonance (Help me, I'm stuck to my chair!) on Tuesday, 29-Dec-2009 3:20:18

i'm a fan.

Post 3 by Paparazzi (The Biggest Fan of Your Life) on Tuesday, 29-Dec-2009 17:39:38

Thanks Brookie,
Much hugs to you,

Post 4 by the reconstructionist (lucifer doesn't exist. he is only the planet venus personified!) on Thursday, 07-Jan-2010 10:56:27

Sounds like life for you.

Post 5 by Sword of Sapphire (Whether you agree with my opinion or not, you're still gonna read it!) on Friday, 08-Jan-2010 20:40:07

Very nice poem. I really liked the rhythm. There wasn't much emotion in this piece, though that's not always necessary for a great poem, although it sometimes does contribute to imagery.
In the fourth line, I think you should remove the word once. And is the last line really the last line of the poem? You kind of threw me there if it is, it surprised me.